Chivalry and why it shouldn’t die…

I heard this today. “I’m fine with chivalry dying.” The statement perplexed me. Why would someone want chivalry to die? The ideals that the word holds should be something that every individual–man and women–strive to practice everyday throughout their lives. I had to think about why someone would want something like chivalry to die and I came to a conclusion. The meaning of the word has become warped.

To be chivalrous today is almost like being sexist. The word today almost exactly applies to the treatment of women. The whole ladies first attitude in general has killed the meaning. While those attitudes are nice, they should be applied to ALL people. Not just women. The unfortunate consequence of chivalries death means that man will die. Sure there will still be guys around. But they will be guys without direction. Guys without the knowledge that it takes to be a man. Do the rules of chivalry only apply to guys? No. But I see the death of chivalry occurring alarmingly quick among the male sex.

The dictionary defines being chivalrous as being “courteous and generous.” That is a terrible definition if you ask me. To be chivalrous is to stand up for equality. To be chivalrous is to be honest. To be chivalrous is to hold yourself accountable. Chivalry has nothing to do with holding doors, watching your language, or saying please and thank you. Chivalry has everything to do with the belief that all men are created equal. If you hold the door for a women, you also hold it for a man. If your willing to give a dollar to a poor man, than you are also willing to give a dollar to a rich man. Creating a society in which all men (and women) are treated equally is a primary goal of chivalry.

Accountability is another core belief of chivalry. We are all human, prone to the ability to screw up. Chivalry is not law, but ideals. To be unchivalrous isn’t necessarily a crime. So to hold yourself responsible for those lapses in judgement is the mark of being truly chivalrous. Being accountable means you know when you make a mistake. Knowing when you make a mistake means you know when you need to make something right. To improve a situation or yourself. Accountability means you know how to grow.

Finally the chivalrous individual is honest. The truth may hurt, but it is a mere cut compared to the wound that a lie can create. The truth reveals the problems. Knowing where the problems are means that a solution can be found. Lies cover the problem until it boils over. Often the mess this boiling over creates is unfixable.

Equality, Accountability, and Honesty are the ideals of chivalry. They are not law. They are guidelines to not only create better people, but to create a better society as a whole.

Anti-Lonely…

What is it that makes us feel alone? Often it seems when we feel the most alone is when we are in fact the least alone. So why is this so? If we are surrounded by people than what is it that makes us lonely?

My answer is an understanding. You feel alone when you do not think that anyone around you has the capability of understanding your problem(s). Pretty simple. Although the emotional trauma of loneliness is something terrible. Loneliness essentially feels like death. A big part of you is lost and in desperate search of something. So what is the map? Where is the compass? What is that essential item that can deliver us from desperation?

One person is all it takes.

The unfortunate part of loneliness is that not just any person will do. If that’s all it took none of us would ever be lonely unless we were left out in some god forsaken part of the world. This all ties in with my previous post. You need the right person in your life. The difference between this post and the last is that you need this particular person to be what you need when you need them to be it and you need to do the same for them.

Pretty much I’m talking about a soul mate here.

I’ll use myself as an example here. For most of my life I’ve been an emotional and physical super structure. I’m 6’5″ tall and weigh about 330lbs. I’m built like a house physically. Mentally I’ve hardly ever let my emotions dictate what I do or how I act. Physically I can always be that person (although losing some weight would be nice), it’s the emotional part of me that can be difficult to always control. So now I identify the right person for me in my life. What I need (at least I think) is someone to be my emotional rock when I faulter. I need someone who will pick me up when I’m down.

So now you need to ask yourselves what you need a person to be in your life. The sooner you identify it the sooner you can find that person.

The Art of Association…

One of the questions we seem to always ask ourselves is are people bad, or are people good? The answer is that people are both but they have a tendency toward one of the two. People are naturally bad. The wrong way is usually the easier way. Generally it involves taking care of their own personal needs. Who can blame anybody for self gratification after all?

So we establish what people naturally are. So how do we explain the good deeds of the world? One train of thought is to say that acts of good are just another way of self gratification. Helping others generally makes a person feel good. That is self gratification is it not? Personally I believe that good deeds arise out of a natural need to be more than bad. There are times in life where people just seem to take the road that leads to no self-serving outcomes. The first answer does not explain these actions at all.

So people are bad with a general desire to do good.

That isn’t really true. Most people you will meet in your lifetime will be bad. They will put self over serve, me over you, and will somehow manage to put an “i” in team. Remember I said most people are bad. As I always say in these posts, humans are a rare breed. Their consciousness gives them the ability to choose.

Bad or good? Me or you? Team or me?

So next I talk about who we surround ourselves with as people. The next part of this entry I’m going to talk about involves some real inspection of the people in our lives. Naturally the people you want in your life are the people that answer good, you, and team to the above questions. Those are also the answers you should strive to give in your life as well. But the purpose of this is to help people make change in their lives by surrounding themselves with the people they need.

So how do you find those people?

The answer is simple. All you have to do is ask yourself some questions. When my life is going bad, who asks me what is wrong? When my life is going bad, who is there to lend a hand? When my life is going bad, who tries to help carry me through? The people we want in our lives are the people that an say “Hey, my friend needs me. I had better help.”

So now we’ve identified the important people in life. Now comes the tough part, cleaning out the bad people in our life. These people are your friends. Up to this point they’ve been the people that have had some sort of impact on our lives. Telling them that our ability to associate with them is about to fall into a steep decline is never easy. Telling the truth is hard. Finding out the truth is harder. Ultimately the truth makes all situations better. The truth acts as a wake up call. It tells people that they have been acting on instinct far to much.

Now is the time to act. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Now.